Why do I wake up at night staring at the ceiling
I’ve spent my whole life tryna run from that feeling
That feeling of being lonely, that feeling of being lost
That feeling of being sick when the lights turn off
That feeling of being depressed, that feeling of being anxious
That feeling of begging God to help me to take this, but only to get silence in return
I lay in that bed as I toss and I turn and I turn and I toss to this day
The doctors gave me medication, that pastor said pray
I tried both but this anxiety still hasn’t gone away
So forgive me if I fantasize about being gone today
I’m an actor who got really good at being on today
But when I turn of I go right back into the shadows
I’m in deeper now but I started in the shallows
And I might just drown myself in these waves
I can’t see it yet but my smiles are my graves
Everyone is coping with something, but they won’t admit it, they’re just too afraid
And these people are glued to watching me, what do I say?
If I’m honest with them, maybe they won’t think of me highly
Everything they want me to be is what I’m dying to be
But everything I really am is what I’m trying not to be
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